So I have this ‘friend’
Every little thing I do slightly wrong, she criticises me. I turn up slightly late to class or have a mark that’s slightly lower than her expectations and she tells me I’m worthless and I’m never going to succeed. She tells me that I’m boring and that people aren’t that interested in me they’re just pretending. She tells me I look stupid and fat in what I’m wearing and tells me I should change, then criticises what I change into afterwards and the next 5 times after that. This ‘friend’ tells me I’m a disgrace to my family, all I do is ruin everything.
She tells me I’m pathetic and ugly and to not bother other people with the shit that comes out of my mouth. She tells me I need to work harder and the worse I feel the more she tells me I should do. She tells me I’m too fat and that I should stop eating what I’m eating, that even a salad is too much for me then tells me to have strength like she does. She looks at me with disgust, hatred and talks to me like I’m trash. I hate this treatment, it makes me feel so bad and depressed and battered. At the same time though, she’s still my friend and in a weird way I would miss the constant mental bullying even though it’s bringing me down, there’s this pull back to it.
But I’m done, this isn’t fair, how can I move on in life with friends like these? Where are they going to end up? Nowhere, they’ll end up alone, with no life and no friends. You need to get rid of poisonous people in your life, including the voice in your head.
I found a diary entry from 6months today and looked at these things I’d written about myself, I’m sure many of you are saying the same things to yourselves every day. Imagine if this was another person doing this to you or to someone else? What sort of life would they have saying these things, where would they end up? You don’t want them following you around every day.
Time to move on, it’s got me nowhere these last few years - well 6 years. Gotta get busy living.